Last summer I went to Brighton, with the wholesome intentions of going on many cultural expeditions and walking along the South Downs, saturating myself in the idyllic scenery. Unfortunately I was to find myself distracted by the allure of shots of toffee schnapps for a pound and the onset of liver failure.
With the aid of my trusty A-Z and badly titled yet fantastic 'Cheeky' guide book, I had the time of my life savouring the best of British culture.
I was fascinated by the juxtaposition of the tacky heaven that is the Palace Pier, alongside the fragile beauty of the decaying West Pier. For all my poetic inclinations I spent the majority of my holiday spending my life savings in the Palace Pier arcade. Not only does the Palace Pier provide you with a startlingly depressing 80's soundtrack. (I gambled to the strains of Shakin' Stevens and T'PAU), but it also comes with the guarantee of chronic whiplash, if you deign to board the 'Crazy Mouse' roller coaster.
For all the wondrous restaurants and bars to be found along the seafront and the lanes, I took up permanent residence in the student mecca that is the Mash Tun in the town centre. They provided me with what was to become my staple diet…heavenly chips covered in cheese. On concluding that it might be possible to drink myself sober I commenced a week-long bar crawl. Feeling the need for cocktails with umbrellas, I went to Riki Tik in Bond Street and was overjoyed to discover that during happy hour, pitchers of Sangria were delightfully cheap. I staggered from bar to bar carefully avoiding being run over by Leo Sayer - one of Brighton's many buses named after celebrity residents. Occasionally I had delusions of grandeur and would wander into some very arty bars. Alicats in East Street was the kind of place you would find brooding misunderstood types. It would screen lighthearted classics such as Apocalypse Now and Taxi Driver. I would always lower the tone by asking for a pint of snakebite.
On my last day in Sunny Brighton I did make a vain attempt to walk along the Sussex Downs. Unfortunately, without the aid of a trusty Ordnance Survey map I succeeded in rambling into a field full of quite angry cows. Needless to say I sobered up quite rapidly after that.
I took the Geographers' A-Z to Brighton, The Cheeky Guide to Brighton and should have taken the OS Explorer 122 map Brighton and Hove. Read the classic Brighton Rock by Graham Greene.
Author: Joanna Halpin
Date: 1 March 2002
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